Sunday, February 7, 2010

Ignorance or Unfailing Heart?

I guess its time to update...

I have been thinking a lot about life lately. I have been searching for some form of meaning. I guess because I am in a lowish point in my life. Patience is not a virtue that I have and for some reason I feel the time clock ticking faster and faster! Its as if every day that leaves me, a piece of me leaves with it. I want to make sure that the pieces are leaving a mark. I want to know that I really am special enough to change the world. I have always known since I was a little girl that I was meant for bigger and better things. I knew that I had the ability to make a difference. Now I guess its time for me to figure out what I am trying to make a difference in.

I have been on a journey since I moved to Texas. The journey to meet and find and seek the person, place, and or thing known as God. I am pretty sure I have met him and that he loves me. I just want to know its all really there. That the God I know is really God. So I have started the evolution of revolution to share my journey with those who read this. I want to be as honest as I can with you all about my fears, joy, and radical adventures in seeking the Lord and life.

I am currently battling with the dark side of myself. I have been very insecure as of late. Everytime I am around the good people I love I feel different. Its like they are all soo incredibly smart and think so deep that they receive a lot of answers that I want. We are all searching for this more meaningful powerful relationship with God and they connect on a level that I can only imagine all due to their knowledge and deep thought. Of course we are not to compare ourselves to others because well, lets face it, we are all so different. From what I gather God made us all unique and special so not the one of us could be the same. I tend to use my emotions and heart in all situations in my life. I feel like its a double edged sword in the sense that I am so carefree when it comes to using my heart and the answers that come from using my heart. I never have to think, I dont have to try and work out the answers necessarily. I just go with how I feel and it makes it hard in conversations with the thinkers. My answer is always "I dont know I just feel it in my heart". Is this a bad thing or a good thing? I want to embrace all that I can but I feel so left out.

Any advise?

Is this stupidity, ignorance or am I apart of something more?

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